If you have landed the 2nd chapter in this series (No? – Read Invest in Emotional Planning – Chapter 1), I will safely trust that the chapter 1 was either of interest or made some sense to you. Glad to know this either ways – given the struggle we are going through; I feel happy that you have taken interest in emotional planning.
Before moving on to how to start the journey of emotional planning, it would not be correct to skip its related factors. These are the pillars on which the bridge of our journey is going to begin. Let me tell you that you may never reach a destination but what I urge you through this process is to enjoy that trip and collect as many experiences as possible.
Each one is different and so will be our take away and the resultant planning. There is no right or wrong here. Whatever helps you in the preparation of an emotional unforeseen tomorrow is worth considering and planning for.
Saying this I would like to diverge your attention towards what are the pillars or factors that our planning will be placed on. These are the 5 W’s that will lead you to and guide you throughout the journey of emotional planning.
Where –
Always be aware for where you are. Irrespective of the fact that the destination is near or far, the path is right or wrong. Mere awareness of where you are will stabilize your thought process and bring you close to the reality of yourself. We all have gone through this phase where we feel lost and out of control – knowing where you are will let you embrace yourself and bring you closer to your thoughts and let you understand your ups and downs better.
Keep a journal to note key achievements and falls. Write down your emotions – happy or sad, low or high, cheerful or angry. Try to notice the patterns over a period of time, compare the same with yourself. Introspect.
What –
Once the awareness of where you are has kicked in, try to focus on what has happened and what can be done. It is very important to face the situations and the resulting outcome whether favourable or not. Many a times, the damage is already made – Don’t be harsh on yourself. Even if the damage is irreversible, it is already done. Only if we had the power to change the past, brooding over the spilt milk would make sense.
Don’t try to push yourself to being positive. Gaur Gopal Das ji has rightly quoted this as toxic positivity. Toxic positivity is when we push ourself to being positive irrespective of the situation and against our own will – Just because staying positive is important. While staying positive is extremely important, positivity also means accepting what has happened or what will happen resulting to something and looking at the bigger picture. It means knowing that things are not positive and embracing the situation to emerge stronger.
Why –
Knowing where we are and what will now happen or what has happened will start making even more sense once we understand the why of things. Why has this happened or why has something not happened. Why are things not going as planned? Why have I landed here instead of my decided path? Why is someone reacting in a particular way? Why have they suddenly turned different? Why me? – Could be a few suitable questions to ask yourself. Knowing the why will make you stronger and give you a better perspective. It is like wearing binoculars or holding a magnifying glass – While you may still be where you are, with what it is. You will be able to see things closer and better.
Let your why be holistic, considering all probabilities – Even if it may seem the least suitable one. The actions / probabilities / situations that may be making no sense to you, may seem absolutely spot on to someone else. For each one has a different journey and every journey will provide a different view.!
When –
It is equally important to understand when to react upon your findings and introspections. The one who masters when – will emerge the strongest in the process of emotional planning. Be resilient to the fact that everyone’s emotional journey is as important to them as it is to you. Breaking somebody’s bubble because your have come out of yours may not be the right thing to do as this requires some preparation and preparedness. I am sure you agree!
Whenever your have discovered the where, what and why – Always try to focus on “You” the most. Don’t go and rectify others or change things for others by your actions – as you may not be aware of their W’s. Hence, as said earlier – you may never reach a destination but will definitely emerge more self-aware and stronger.
When a friend and you are going wrong, rectify yourself and let the other realise the changes you have been through. This will allow the other person to introspect. When you are aware of what should be different or better – Ensure you are not breaking yourself to do something that may not be possible now. Remember that change is a gradual process and when you take small steps and keep a close watch, you will come closer to being what is ideal but it is also a factor of the related variable which may not always go as expected.
When in doubt – Realize the where; When feeling low and broken – Realize the what; When trying to stand up again – Realize the why.
While –
This pillar will let you understand how to embrace your existing self while you are trying to plan ahead by peeping into your present and past situations. Reflecting on the past and realization should not lead to self-hate or lower your self-esteem. While – will let you feel that you have acted a certain way, give you your behaviour pattern, tell you what may occur because of what has happened, let you know where you stand. But always try to love yourself, even if it is difficult at times.
Let yourself know that taking steps towards a better tomorrow proves that you are already a better person and you should love this healing soul in you. Meditate – Try to speak to your inner self. Let your soul know – you care and understand. Let this be an ongoing process. This is where the healing will begin!
Once the W’s are understood and initiated – The journey of emotional planning has already begun.